Growing up, the weeks leading up to Christmas meant a clean house, an air of anticipation and hope, good food, music, friends, magic, wonders from around the world displayed on table tops and tree, and a happy mom.
Until recently I clung to those happy memories and always felt so down after Christmas because I was so connected to that earlier life and After Christmas meant again the descent into chaos, lack and neglect. As an adult, I hated taking the tree down, hated having to wait another whole year before I could again have those thrills of pre-Christmas perfection.
But this year is different. The summer's work of un-charging the sting of the past, cutting the cords of emotional connection I still had to my childhood is evident in my feelings now that Christmas is over. I'm not sad, let-down, and worried about having missed some chance at joy. This year I am taking down the tree now, throwing out the garlands with a month of dust on them, and replacing my table decorations with a sparkling bowl of fruit, white candles and empty space....room for the new of the new year.
No need to hang on to the old anymore. Lots more happiness and joy on the way! No need to worry about a descent into hardship, I have faith in myself that all will be good even without the reassurance of red and green.
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